accomplished twins. life is a go
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
