C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I deserve this hangover.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
