Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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