So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
