I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
