i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
