quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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