Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
