She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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