not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
