I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
