I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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