a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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