note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
