I love black thongs
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
