is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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