I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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