Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
