he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
The dick lei will go down in squad history
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
