It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
