I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
