he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
