Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
