from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
