maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
