I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
