oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
