It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
