Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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