ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
