New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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