I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
