Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
