who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
