Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Be still, my beating vagina.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
