I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
