Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
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