My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
