On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
