Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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