i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I pour the whiskey from now on
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
