Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
please come you make the beer taste better
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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