He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
