how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
It's never too late to be topless.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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