eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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