their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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