His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
