just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Randomize
