I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
