smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
