And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
