you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
