i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
