how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
