Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
