I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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