Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
