I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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