i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
