We're facebook friends in real life
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
