oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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