I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
