He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize