note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
