Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
