i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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